If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
