If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
