careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
