My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
