You really coming over, don't trick.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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