He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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