He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
