You can't special order awesome
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
