im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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