I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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