Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
