I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
