ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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