grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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