the condom got lost in my hair
I look better un-naked...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
