she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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