"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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