you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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