Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize