first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
