fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
