I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
