Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
