my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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