Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sex in a hospital.. check
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
