I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
