just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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