I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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