he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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