i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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