Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
