it wasn't lemon gatorade
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
