well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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