Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
