haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
