did you get engaged???
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
