And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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