Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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