Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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