dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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