Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
