Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
