I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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