he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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