I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bring money and cleavage
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
