I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Terrible idea I love it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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