Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
