This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
