you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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