Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
