Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
