Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
