I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
