why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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