What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can't put those talents on a resume
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
