Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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