If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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