You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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