you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
