If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
