Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
