I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
