textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
