I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
