her vagine was all disorganized.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize