This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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