I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
