guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
