He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
