I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
