did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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