considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
try to milk me bitch
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