I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
