i think my mom watched the whole time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
