My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
